2 Samuel 13: 15-22 (crosswalk.com)
15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!" 16 "No!" she said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me." But he refused to listen to her. 17 He called his personal servant and said, "Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her." 18 So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. 20 Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman. 21 When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
Poor Tamar! After the first humiliation of being raped and the second of being thrown out, she suffered a third. Whatever justice she might have received was subverted by her own family. David, though he was very angry, did nothing because Absalom made light of the situation and smoothed the whole thing over while he planned his own revenge. With all of these insults and injuries, if anyone had grounds for hatred, it was Tamar.
Instead, we read about that all important moment in verse 15 when love turned to hatred for Amnon. I'm sure you can pinpoint a moment like that in your own life. For Amnon it was the moment when he realized that she planned to stay. Maybe she even caressed him as they lay together, as unsavory as that is to imagine. Reality shifted for him in that moment and rather than accept his responsibility to marry her, he threw her out. The moment not rational and does not need any grounds. We are made in God´s image to love good and hate evil. When righteous anger clashes with our sin nature, you never know what will happen. For Amnon, his righteous indignation was all for himself. "I'm the king's firstborn! How dare she tell me what to do."
For me, a moment of realization came during a leisurely afternoon knitting by the playground when a friend who does not knit gave me a long lecture about how to knit for charity. Two years of friendship took on a different light in that moment when I realized that she didn't like or respect me and never had. I had to accept with profound humiliation that the hints and jokes and barbed comments had been there all along. It is like falling down the stairs. You lie there stunned while everything fits back into place, but differently. You can't get up until you figure out which way is up. How you get up depends on your character and how well you know God.
For me, a moment of realization came during a leisurely afternoon knitting by the playground when a friend who does not knit gave me a long lecture about how to knit for charity. Two years of friendship took on a different light in that moment when I realized that she didn't like or respect me and never had. I had to accept with profound humiliation that the hints and jokes and barbed comments had been there all along. It is like falling down the stairs. You lie there stunned while everything fits back into place, but differently. You can't get up until you figure out which way is up. How you get up depends on your character and how well you know God.
Tamar, incredibly, was still willing to love, and one can hope that her pure and lovely character survived her shame and sorrow. Amnon was already hardened to the point of selfish indifference, so an angry outburst was almost inevitable. What meaning and purpose was there for me? I definitely was bitter, angry, self-pitying and just plain old sad for a long time, but things were better on every level afterwards: better for her, for me and for the body of Christ. I was less of a burden to her. I was reminded that I will not die of embarrassment when I misjudge people. Paradoxically, we had more unity going forwards. God is glorified even in such a small private matter. I could go on and on (and probably will in later chapters) about this incident and what it taught me. I had unrealistic expectations from other Christian women in expatriate situations. I'm enraged when someone suggests I'm not living up to my potential. Jesus calls us to be gracious even when we are crushed beyond what we think we can bear. But my goal is to glorify God, not get caught up in MY growth and MY journey. Little moments of love and hate happen every day. When that Spanish mom that you like blows you off and like turns to dislike, recognize it for what it is: an opportunity to know God and live out His grace.
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